Soon after returning home to Toronto this summer, people told me that I needed to get a Mirvish subscription. While I appreciated the tip, I have seen most of what is coming to town this year in New York on Broadway.
Before I had a child, and the cost of babysitting was added to the cost of the evening, I saw a lot of fabulous and not-so-fabulous theatre. With the exception of the two years that my husband was mourning the loss of his parents, we went to the theatre all of the time.
With all the theatre I saw while living in New York City for a decade, I did not see Hamilton until two weeks before I left New York. And I loved it. If you are fortunate to see it at the Ed Mirvish theatre this year between February and May, you are in for a treat.
Hamilton is a story about revolution, not only on a country-wide scale, but on a personal one. The founding fathers of the United States and other historical figures discover what it means to seize the day for the betterment of both others and self.
Ever since I began listening to the CD in my car, one line has stood out and left me thinking. This line is so connected to this time of year, during these Yamim Noraim.
Since it is Yom Kippur, I will say the line and not sing it.
“If you stand for nothing, Burr, what’ll you fall for?”
If you stand for nothing, what’ll you fall for? Asked differently, what do you stand for?
That is what I want to focus on in these emotionally charged minutes before we recite Yizkor. What do you stand for?
Why did you adopt these particular values?
Did you learn these values from living with or observing someone you are reciting Yizkor for today?
What do you stand for? What are the core life values that make you uniquely you?
During these days of Awe, these Yamim Noraim, ideally we all stand for teshuvah, tefillah and tzedakah; repentance, prayer and righteousness. As we learn in the Unetane Tokef, which is recited on all three days of yom tov, teshuvah, tefillah and tzedakah have the power to transform the harshness of our destiny.
Teshuvah, tefillah and tzedakah are three powerful values that we can embody while the gates are open and we stand in front of God for judgment.
To be sure, they also make a fantastic recipe for every day of our lives.
Our tradition has a history of listing values in triads, in groups of three. During our time this morning, I am going to share some powerful lists of three. As you listen to these values, attributes and beliefs, your task is to determine or remind yourself what you stand for.
One of the most famous triads is found near the beginning of Pirkei Avot.
Shimon the Tzadik used to say: The world stands on three things-on the Torah, on the worship service in the Temple and on the performance of deeds of lovingkindess.
The phrase hu hayah omer denotes a habitually repeated teaching (Gordon Tucker commentary). It is probable that this idea that the world stands on Torah, prayer and love was not new 2000 years ago, during Mishnaic times. These virtues were passed down midor ledor, from generation to generation. It is possible that Shimon the Tzadik shared this teaching often, so that it would be ingrained in this students’ memories. Perhaps it was like parents today reminding their children to say please and thank you over and over again.
Are learning, prayer and treating people with love and kindness values that were passed on to you from those you love, respect and admire? If so, how was this modelled for you?
Chapter one of Pirkei Avot includes yet another famous triad. This time, another Rabbi offers his idea of how the world is sustained.
Rabban Shimon ben Gamaliel said: on three things does the world stand: On justice, on truth and on peace.
The great sage Rabbi Shimon ben Gamliel, who saw the world in flames and masses of people killed, tells us that the world endures because of the power of ideas planted in the Torah and actualized by humans (Gordon Tucker).
Perhaps the loved ones that you are saying yizkor for today modelled for you the importance of tzedec and standing up for what you believe in. Perhaps social justice and progressive values were essential to your loved ones and are therefore essential to you too.
Maybe you were taught never to lie, to always be transparent. Maybe you were taught that shalom bayit, peace in the home, getting along with your family members, should be first and foremost on your list of priorities. Is this what you stand for?
Do you observe Pesah with four glasses of wine, matzah and maror? Is Pesah integral to your identity because you inherited recipes, traditions and dishes from your loved ones? Is Pesah the central holiday that brings your family together? Do you allow yourself to cry, remembering those who no longer sit around the seder table?
We can keep the loved ones who are no longer with us alive in our hearts and our homes by standing for the values they modelled for us.
At Minhah today, we will read the entire book of Jonah during the haftarah. It is only 4 chapters. It begins with God commanding Jonah:
Wake up sleepyhead and go at once to Nineveh!
Jonah is the type of guy who would prefer sleep over any other option. In the opening of the haftarah, God is more than Jonah’s alarm clock. Jonah is divinely summoned to go to the wicked city of Nineveh and tell the people they have to shape up or their days are numbered. Instead, Jonah flees God and makes his way down to the port of Jaffa, where he books passage on a boat.
As fate would have it, a storm comes upon the open waters. The sailors are frightened. They try to save the lives of everyone on board by throwing cargo overboard and praying to their god. Our friend Jonah stays in character. We read: Jonah laid down and took another nap.
The water is rough. The ship is being tossed. People’s lives are at stake.
The captain of the ship goes down to where Jonah is napping and says to him:
“YOU! What the heck are you doing? Why are you sleeping? Get up! Call upon your god! Perhaps your god will be kind to us and we will not perish.”
This word, koom,is the same word that God uses at the beginning of the haftarah. It means get up and stand up.
This story of Jonah is shared during Minhah of Yom Kippur, right before we get to Neilah, to remind us that we need to koom, to stand for something. We cannot be like Jonah and sleep through our lives.
Jonah did not stand for much, except maybe a good night’s sleep. While getting a good night’s sleep is important, that can’t be the essence of what you are about.
One of the reasons Yizkor is recited on Yom Kippur is so we can remember what our loved ones stood for and recommit ourselves to standing for and embodying their values as well. If we live our best lives according to the values, beliefs, virtues and attitudes that were modelled for us, then we keep our loved ones who have died near to us.
One of the most meaningful tasks that I am privileged to do is stand under a huppah with two people who are deeply in love. While the gathered guests usually see the backs of the couple, my experience is completely different.
You see, I feel the presence of siblings, parents, grandparents and other family members who left this world and now occupy space in the World to Come, after hearing about them during pre-marital meetings.
The same people you say Yizkor for today come down and watch as close as they can, without actually joining us here in Olam Hazeh, in this world. Maybe you have felt them. Maybe you’ve felt someone caress your cheek or touch your elbow.
These same people are there when you name your daughters. They cry alongside you as infant boys are brought into the covenant of the Jewish people and then as these babies go off to school for the first time.
These same people peer in from the border of the World to Come into our World, as your child or grandchild recites the words of the Aliyah at his or her bar or bat mitzvah.
Your loved ones accompany you on the first day of a new job. Your loved ones are with you during chemo and radiation, your child’s graduation and at your retirement party.
Our loved ones that have gone before us are at nearly all of life’s liminal and profound moments.
And they are nearby today.
There are thousands of souls floating around this room and smiling down on us.
They are here today because they see themselves in you. And they are here today because today is one of those liminal moments.
“B’rosh hashanah yikatevun, uv yom tzom kippur yechatemun — On Rosh Hashanah it is inscribed, and on Yom Kippur it is sealed.” Our fate is decided today.
As we keep their memories alive by standing for what they stood for, and therefore linking our lives to their lives, our loved ones are doing their part to ensure we stay here in this world and we make it through the gates at Neilah.
They are not ready for us to join them yet. They want to keep watching over us for a while longer. They enjoy it. Many of our loved ones get a lot of naches out of us and seeing us live the way they lived. Whether it is as simple as being an early riser and reading a newspaper with breakfast, or being philanthropic, or having Shabbat dinner with family every Friday night.
Since our loved ones are so close by today, they can hear our prayers and our cries. They appreciate the candles that were lit in their memory. They appreciate when we take the time to look at their photographs in our very busy lives.
All of our loved ones taught us different values and life lessons.
Maybe it was to always wear a hat, sunscreen and drink water on hot summer days.
Maybe it was to host a seder, build a sukkah and listen to megillot.
Maybe it was to behave, belong and believe.
Maybe it was to love God, Torah and the Jewish people.
Our loved ones appreciate that we associate the holiest day of the year with them.
More than that, they appreciate that we value remembering them and living our lives like they did.
Yes – it is somewhat painful for us to rip the band-aids off during Yizkor and reopen old wounds, but we need to remember that our loved ones are working overtime on our behalf today.
We come to Yizkor carrying the values of the people who we loved, who influenced us, who we argued with, who we hugged, who we found fascinating, who we found frustrating and who made us who we are.
During the break today, or once the fast is over, share what you stand for and what you learned from your loved ones with people who are still living. Do even more to keep their memory alive, because that is our job.
People die. That is the only thing we are certain of. But their memories, values and principles live in all of us. Hold on to them, celebrate them, lift them up and teach them to the next generation, bshem omram, in their name.
G’mar Hatima Tovah.
