By Cantor Sidney Ezer:
We are all familiar with the renowned commandment in this week’s Torah portion from Leviticus 19:18 “you shall love your fellow as yourself.” It forms the basis for Hillel’s maxim when asked by a gentile to summarize the Torah in one sentence: “That which is distasteful to you, do not do to another person. The rest is commentary; now go study the commentary” (BT Shabbat 31a). However, the preceding commandment in that verse deserves just as much attention as the more famous one which follows. Leviticus 19:18 opens with the warning, “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the members of your people.” The rabbis provide examples to explain these two distinct character flaws. If a person says, “I will not lend you my hammer because you did not lend me one when I asked for it”, that is vengeance. If a person says, “I will lend you the tool even though you refused to lend me when I asked for it”, that is bearing a grudge. Martin Buber understood the commandment to love one’s fellow as oneself as being intricately connected with the preceding one against revenge and grudges. Because all human beings are part of the same body, to hurt another person in an effort to get even is to hurt part of oneself. Buber compares it to a person whose hand slips while holding a knife and stabs himself. Should he stab the offending hand that slipped, to get even with it for hurting him? He will only hurt himself a second time. So it is when we, in anger, hurt another person, not understanding that we are all connected. There is another old saying: “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” In other words, holding onto anger and resentment towards someone is only causing harm to yourself. Anger and a thirst for vengeance corrode the soul.
In reading the above explanations and principles, I could not help but recall Reb Steve’s powerful sermon on the seventh day of Passover. In his rebuke of Israel’s National Security Minister Itamar Ben-Gvir’s celebration of the Knesset’s passage of a law mandating hanging for Palestinians convicted of terror offences, as well as his denunciation of the actions of Jewish extremists burning Palestinian villages in the West Bank, Reb Steve referenced a Chinese saying: “Before one sets out on revenge, they must first dig two graves”. The message is clear. Revenge destroys the one who practices it. In essence, we become the very monsters that we hate. Reb Steve argued not to sacrifice moral clarity despite the tempting desire for vengeance. He also quoted another verse from this week’s Torah portion, Leviticus 19:17, which states “You shall surely rebuke your neighbour”, arguing that if our moral credibility is to remain intact, it is our duty to call out the actions of Ben-Gvir and the Israeli government just as much as we call out Iran and its proxies.
The ancient Rabbis understood that the obligation to reprove one’s neighbour is limited to cases in which one has reason to believe that the reproof will bring about a change in behaviour. It should always be a loving rebuke, never an occasion to belittle another to the point of embarrassment. The type of rebuke to which Reb Steve refers certainly aims to bring about a change in behaviour. However—getting back to our original scenarios of the borrower and the lender—in both those cases, the avenger and the grudge bearer are guilty of committing a sin. Neither punishment nor even a warning is issued to the one who initially refuses to lend their hammer. Why is a grudgingly generous person who lends his hammer anyway treated worse than the stingy person who doesn’t ever share his tool when asked? In warning against vengeance and bearing a grudge, the Torah’s objective in Leviticus 19:18 is to teach us not to be hateful or spiteful. The previous verse, Leviticus 19:17, although insisting on rebuking wrongdoers, also states that, “you shall not hate your kinsfolk in your heart.” We are commanded to love our neighbour, and this verse prohibits hating one’s brother. We can never stop being related to a brother, even if he hurts us. The Torah frowns upon vengeance, but even more so upon a person who does not retaliate yet carries overbearing enmity and a grudge. This is one of the rare instances when the Torah seems to command feelings rather than behaviour.
An ancient Jewish book likely dating to Maccabean times, known as The Testaments of the Twelve Patriarchs, carries the following message: “Love ye one another from the heart; and if a man sin against thee, cast forth the poison of hate and speak peaceably to him. If he confess and repent, forgive him. But if he be shameless and persist in his wrongdoing, even so forgive him from the heart, and leave to God the avenging. Beware of hatred; for it works lawlessness even against the Lord Himself. For it will not hear the words of the Commandments concerning the loving of one’s neighbour. Love would quicken even the dead and would call back them that are condemned to die; but hatred would slay the living.” Here God commands us to love even people whom it is hard to love. It is more important for us to be kind, loving, and compassionate than vengeful, spiteful, or generous with a hateful heart. The Torah urges us to control our emotional responses, just as God is slow to anger and ready to forgive. As difficult as it is to exercise restraint, and as tempting as it is to fly off the handle, what Judaism ultimately preaches for our overall well-being is: don’t get mad, and don’t get even. Shabbat Shalom.