Shiva

Seven days of Shiva (literally sitting), begin at the conclusion of the funeral (Day One) through the next six days. During this time, you might feel overwhelming sadness and melancholy. You might also feel relief if the person who died had suffered from a long illness and you felt it was their time to go.

You can hold a minyan (prayer service) in your home as a focused time of reflection, and say the Mourners Kaddish prayer. Your
community comes to you so you are never alone in your grief. If needed, volunteers and Spiritual Leadership Team (SLT) members can help lead. If it is not possible to arrange a minyan at your home, you are encouraged to attend the Daily Minyan at Beth Tzedec, where you will be warmly embraced by our SLT and other members of our congregation walking a similar path to you.

At the very beginning of Shiva, mourners:

• Continue to wear their torn clothing or ribbons
• Wash their hands with a water basin left outside the front door
• Remove shoes and refrain from wearing leather
• Light a large shiva candle that burns for seven days and nights
• Maintain a Condolence Book at the front entrance,
• Eat a seudat ha-havara’ah. The first meal includes round foods like eggs or bagels to symbolize the circle of life.

Other Shiva customs include:

• Sitting low to the ground
• Covering mirrors
• Keeping the front door unlocked
• Not shaving or getting haircuts

A member of the Beth Tzedec Spiritual Leadership Team will be honoured to “get you up” at the conclusion of shiva, as you begin to re-engage with the world.

Mourning Rituals After Shiva

Shloshim (literally 30 days) is observed for 30 days following the funeral. During this period, you come back into the world, but not fully. Typically you go back to work, but do not enjoy entertainment.

Many mourners come to the Synagogue for daily services to recite the Mourners Kaddish. It is in this period of time that you feel the world is strange and different.

Waves of sadness may overcome you. A sense of loneliness may be felt as you experience a “normal” week but without the presence of the one who died. You may also feel a compulsion to “keep busy”, like cleaning out the house or taking on a major project at work, only to be overwhelmed by the sadness of loss.

Again, these are all normal feelings. By coming to synagogue or joining a bereavement group, you can work through these emotions.

Yahrtzeit

This is the anniversary of the day of death. It is customary for the mourner to attend services to say Kaddish. On the evening of the yahrtzeit, we light a candle of remembrance that lasts 24 hours.

It is customary to attend daily services to say Kaddish. Beth Tzedec sends reminders of the yahrtzeit (year-time) to mourners as long as the mourner remains a member of the congregation. This reminder informs the mourner of the times and date the name of the deceased will be read.

The yahrtzeit is observed annually on the Hebrew date. It is also common to sponsor a breakfast, Kiddush or Seudah Shlisheet,
and give tzedakah in your loved one’s name. By giving back to your community, you honour them and yourself, showing that
you are never alone in your grief. Please contact Avital Narvey at 416-781-3511 to sponsor a breakfast or seudah or make a donation.

Yizkor

The Jewish calendar provides four occasions during the year when special Memorial prayers are recited:

• Yom Kippur
• Shemini Atzeret (the 8^th day of Sukkot)
• The last day of Pesach
• The second day of Shavuot

Yizkor provides a remembrance opportunity to those members of the Congregation whose loved ones have died. This is the brief service that we conduct while the Torah is out. It involves communal and individual prayers. Many people also choose to light a Yizkor candle for the 25 hours of the holiday in which we recite Yizkor.

Beth Tzedec publishes an annual booklet with Yizkor prayers and other special readings, an opportunity to memorialize loved ones each year.  The Yizkor memorial book is compiled over the summer and is set out for each of the Yizkor Services. Requests for submissions to the annual Yizkor memorial book begin in June. If you’d like more information, please contact Terri Humphries at 416-781-3514 ext. 212.

Unveilings

A monument may be erected and dedicated at any time after the first month following the death. If you would like a Spiritual Leader to lead the service, please reach out to Spiritual Leader directly to make arrangements.

Providing Support

In times of loss, we turn to one another and to the wisdom of our tradition for strength. Our Grieving Together Bereavement Groups, for those who have lost parents and for those who have lost partners, offer a sacred space to share, reflect and find comfort in community. Together, we honour memory, seek healing and remind ourselves that no soul grieves alone.

For more information about the Grieving Together groups, please email Yacov Fruchter or Rabbi Fryer Bodzin.

Memorial Plaques

Beth Tzedec provides the opportunity to purchase a memorial plaque in the sanctuary on special wall tablets. Lights are kindled beside the plaque in observance of yahrtzeit. To order memorial plaques, please complete this form or email Lorne Hanick or call 416-781-3514 ext. 240.